Grammargrams Issue 3

by Mary Kay Murray

ISSUE #3. SILLY RULES AND A CHEAP TRICK

SORRY, MRS. HOSMER

Remember 5th grade, when Mrs. Hosmer told you not to use contractions in your writing? She was wrong. For almost every kind of writing except legal documents and scholarly journal articles, her way sounds stilted and formal.

Because of Mrs. Hosmer, your essay about your summer vacation included passages like this:

My little sister does not know how to behave. At the museum the guard said, "Did your parents not teach you anything? Do not lick that mummy again or you are going to jail."

No, the guard didn't say it, not that way. And when Mrs. Hosmer gave you her bad advice, what she said was, "Don't use contractions in your essay," not "Do not use contractions in your essay."

Remember Strunk and White, and go with your ear. If you wouldn't say it, don't write it.

Your job is to be friendly, respectful, and helpful to your audience, not to show them you finished the 5th grade. Write the way you'd talk to people who call the help line, not the judge at Probate Court who's evaluating your client's will.

And Another Thing, Mrs. Hosmer…

For heaven's sake, use the second person!

Mrs. H led you astray once again when she said not to use the word "you" in your writing. Was it because there were a lot of lawyers and clinical researchers in the 5th grade? No, it was because that's what she learned in the 5th grade.

This is silly. Why on earth would you pretend your reader isn't a real living, breathing person? You decide which is better:

  1. To learn more, the user clicks on the link, or
  2. To learn more, click on the link.
  1. To visit our shop, one turns left at the I-96 exit, or
  2. To reach our shop, turn left at the I-96 exit.
  1. The user must reboot his or her system, or
  2. Reboot your system.

In each pair, the first version tells you what someone else does. The second tells you what you should do. You also avoid a tricky issue—whether to call the user "he" or "she."

Less Is More

When I was in the 5th grade and Mrs. Hosmer made us write a 100-word essay about the Statue of Liberty, I cheated. To bump up my word count and finish sooner, I used elaborate wording and all the padding I could think of. It didn't fool Mrs. Hosmer, and it made for terrible reading. When I tried the same dumb* trick as a college freshman, the professor wrote this on my paper: "Your technical mastery of the English language is matched only by your poverty of intellect." Busted!*

You don't have a minimum word count. Instead, use the minimum number of words—plain, obvious words—to make things clear. If you force people to wade through your text, they won't. They'll just quit visiting your website.

*DISCLAIMER—DON'T USE SLANG IN YOUR WRITING AT WORK

These GrammarGrams are written in standard colloquial English, because this is a very friendly website and we're talking to fellow designers. In your job, use standard informal English, as if you're talking to your grandfather, the CEO of your company, or your pastor if you have one. Don't say "dumb" or "busted" like I did, because it's slang and your boss probably won't like it. If you're in advertising, though, slang away!

 

©Mary Kay Murray 2011